Anne-Marie (danceswithbeans) wrote in boromirlovers,

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LOTR frenzy

Well, I know I am not the only person on campus who appreciates a certain movie or two.
I will preface these emails saying that a girl emailed all students asking if anyone had found a ring, her wording and phrasing are much like the first of these amusing emails

From:   Dark Lord Sauron []
 Sent:   Sun 3/2/2003 10:51 PM
 To:   All Students
 Subject:   Please read this if you have recently found a ring!
Last Friday, one of my most treasured rings slipped from my finger in or
near the slopes of Mount Doom--yes, I know, "cry me a river."  This ring has
great sentimental value and power, however, and I would very much like to
have it in my possession once more.

The ring is a gold band with a glowing script that reads ""Ash Nazg
Durbatuluk, Ash Nazg Gimbatul... Ash Nazg Thrakataluk, Agh Burzum-Ishi
Krimpatul..." The ring is about a size thirty (30)--suitable for an unholy
avatar's finger (although, a bit large, which explains how it fell off).  If
you have seen this ring, or know of its whereabouts, please contact me via
e-mail (  If you can return this ring to its
rightful owner (me), in addition to being extremely grateful, I would be
willing to reasonably compensate you for your nobility and honesty (if that
would motivate you to return my ring).

Your Dark Lord,

P.S. If that would not motivate you, I would be wary and waiting for my dark
riders to strike you down as you sleep. Thanks.

From:   Gollum, Gollum. []
 Sent:   Mon 3/3/2003 12:07 AM
 To:   All Students
 Subject:   RE: Please read this if you have recently found a ring!

nasssty little studentses-

forgives us, this wil be our last allstuDentss eEmail.

has anybody found... my precious? a baggins stole it from us! we swears, it
was our birthday present. its OURS! WE SWEARS! we asks all you nassty little
studentses to bring back the precious to us - DONT TAKE IT TO HIM!

if HE gets it nobody ever sees it again! AND IT BELONGS TO US!!!


From:   Boromir Heir of the Steward []  Sent:   Mon 3/3/2003 12:23 AM
 To:; All Students
 Subject:    RE: Please read this if you have found a ring!

Dear Dark Lord,

Saw the ring, was on a hobbit, heading towards Mordor. I tried to get it
from him, but I think he wanted the reward more than I. Perhaps to buy
shoes? If not, perhaps you can suggest that to him when he arrives with the
ring? As hobbit feet emit a terrible odor.    I do hope that ring did not
have too much sentimental value, as have seen said hobbit fondling it quite

Boromir of Gondor, Son of Ruling Steward Denethor II
PS- Perhaps you can inform this band of orcs that I do not have the ring, as
they are intent on getting it from me, I beleive. Oh dear, I have been shot.

 From:   Frodo Baggins []  Sent:   Mon 3/3/2003 12:23 AM
 To:   All Students
 Subject:   Found: One Ring of Power
Kind Sir Dark Lord Sauron:

Last Friday, Bilbo presented me with a ring that seems to fit your
description. I would quote the words on it, were they not written in the
Dark Speech of Mordor.  It is extremely large for my little hobbit fingers
and thus it is attached to a string around my neck. This is a rather awkward
position we're in because Bilbo gave the ring to me on my birthday and I
presume it was a present.  Normally, I would be all too eager to do the
right thing and return it to its original owner.  I regret to inform you,
though, that I am unable to return your treasured possession because the
right thing in this case is that such evil must be destroyed in the fires of
Mordor.  I hope you can understand.

Deepest Regrets:
Frodo the Ringbearer

P.S.  Your dark riders don't scare me! Sam's got my back with a frying pan.

P.P.S. You're just a disembodied floating eye of evil and you don't even
have fingers. Do you really need a ring that you can't wear?

P.P.P.S. Get in line, Gollum.

((I am only including this next one because I like the responses that she received in the public forum. Also, I know she is pretty much an english major, as a fellow english major, much ashamed at her lack of a better way to express herself. That was pathetic.))

From:   Leslie E. Fields  Sent:   Mon 3/3/2003 1:15 AM
 To:   Frodo Baggins; All Students
 Subject:   RE: Found: One Ring of Power
Get a fucking life.

From:   Sauron meanie []  Sent:   Mon 3/3/2003 12:22 PM
 To:   All Students
 Subject:   much thanks
Leslie Feilds-

Thank you for working for me. It is exactly your type of evilness that the
dark lord wants in this world.


 From:   Gollum baby, Gollum! []  Sent:   Tue 3/4/2003 6:45 PM
 To:   All Students
 Subject:   RE: Found: One Ring of Power

tricksy fields! we've strangled fishes that smell better than it!


PS - we said no more, but we lied! yes!

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